Dear readers,
Two members of St. David’s staff recently celebrating milestone birthdays: one turned forty, and the other fifty. I remember those milestone birthdays for myself. Forty depressed me, because I realized that I would never have children. On the other hand, my vocation as a priest soared, and early in my forties I became a rector. I dreaded fifty, but that was actually a lovely birthday for me, spent with family in Arizona who spoiled me. The year I turned fifty my beloved great-niece Alice was born and I was blessed to baptize her, two milestone events in my life.
Still, stepping into one’s forties and fifties is sobering. Next up for me is sixty, but according to the odds for my cancer diagnoses, I may not make that milestone. Somehow, that takes the sting out of growing old. I want to be sixty, and if I do make it, I hope I’ll celebrate to the depths of my abilities.
My abilities, however, have changed. Last weekend was our annual diocesan gathering, currently called “council” but soon to be renamed “convention,” and I did not attend because it was not safe for me as an immunocompromised one-lunged person to be in a room with hundreds of people during flu/COVID/RSV season. I also pulled out of the Calvin Festival of Faith and Writing in April, realizing that a conference crammed with multiple windowless workshops would not be a great fit. And if that conference won’t work for me, will I ever been able to go to an AWP conference? This year the AWP conference was in the same city as the SuperBowl, leading me to ponder whether I will ever attend a professional sporting event in person again, which I have far less angst about because I really don’t care about sports. Even so, I used to love going to baseball games in person and have enjoyed a handful of college bowl games that I attended in person.
I find that I also feel differently when I hear about long-term projects, such as remodeling one of the local branch libraries or a construction project for botanical gardens. I’ve been trying to train myself to focus on the present, so then I try not to wonder whether I will live to see these projects completed, since they have targeted dates of two years from now.
We’re about the enter the season of Lent, which was the liturgical season when I launched this newsletter three years ago. Thank you for reading! I’d love to hear about your milestones and limitations as we enter this reflective season.
Blessings,
Elizabeth
Samantha Vincent-Alexander and my book Irreverent Prayers: Talking to God When You’re Seriously Sick is now available for preorder! It will be out July 2. Check out the cover.
What I’m Writing
Ash Wednesday lectionary essay (Christian Century)
Shorter Ash Wednesday essay (Christian Century newsletter)
Lent 1 lectionary essay (Christian Century) I had fun fantasizing about being in a creative writing workshop with the writer of the Gospel of Mark.
What I’m Reading
Ron Chernow, Grant. This biography is slowing down my reading! It’s great though. I’ve started listening to it on my morning walks as well as reading it, but then that cuts down on my podcast listening. I’m seeking insights for my current book about the warrior narrative with regard to cancer, and I haven’t even come to Grant’s own cancer yet.
Stephanie Land, Class. Creative nonfiction follow up to Maid. Eye-opening and wonderfully written.
Ariel Lawhon, Frozen River. Fantastic historical fiction about a colonial midwife and a murder.
James McBride, The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store. Bestseller.
Alex Michaelides, The Fury. Another mystery by the bestselling author of The Silent Patient.
Turning points hit VERY differently now - indeed! At 81, (which I can't quite believe) the view is very different than it was at 51 - or even 71! There are so many "no mores" - as the list of things I'll never do again grows daily. Life has been full and rich and blessed, but long-term plans are no longer a 'thing'. I am sad that for YOU this view has come to you so young, my friend. I am blessed to still be able to preach - and so are you. When we first met it never occurred to either of us that we would come to this time of limitations at the same point in time. Love and blessings to you dear Elizabeth. And PS - I love "Abundance".
I really appreciate your comment about focusing on the present. I'm finding myself invited to awareness of and a dwelling in the presence of God. An exchange with a fellow priest and mentor has spurred me on in this direction. As we begin Lent I find reassurance that in our liturgy we are invited to a holy Lent. Too often, for both myself and others I see, I fear that Lent has been a means to an end. The season that prepares us for the joys of Easter, and also often confronts us with our own short-comings. However if we're invited to a holy Lent, then it is not merely a means to an end, but a holy thing in itself. I sense God calling me, and the congregation I serve, to be fully present with the presence of God. I'm prayerfully hoping that our sacrifices, disciplines, and habits this season will draw us more and more fully into the presence of God. May God's peace be with you.