Nora's Neck and Mine
Will I "feel bad about my neck" after thyroid surgery?
When I found out last week that another biopsy was suspicious, this time my thyroid necessitating more surgery, I remembered the late Nora Ephron’s classic essay “I Feel Bad About My Neck” which first appeared in Vogue and was later collected into her book of essays I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman. I had to read “I Feel Bad About My Neck” in my MFA creative nonfiction program, and while some students got tired of it because the essay showed up a lot, I loved it. I love Ephron’s style, particularly her humor.
Ever since reading the essay, I notice my neck on Zoom calls or in photos, especially when it’s not covered by a clerical collar. I don’t obsess over my neck the way Nora Ephron did in her essay, but I resonate with her assertion that our necks express our age in ways our faces may not. I’m actually a little excited about the thought of having a scar on my neck, as my considerable scars from other surgeries—the most impressive being a seven-inch one on my back out of which a surgeon yanked my lung—are all hidden from view. People sometimes tell me “You don’t look sick,” so I hope a savage scar on my throat might make them stop. My latest surgeon, however, told me that it will be an unobtrusive scar. When I told him that it was OK to make it a little scary looking so that people will stop telling me I don’t look sick, he sternly responded, “I will make it pretty.” I suppose that if it does end up conspicuous, I will just feel worse about my neck.
Since my last newsletter I have returned to work at St. David’s, and considering how miserable I felt for so long, I’m grateful that I not only love being back but that the ministry energizes me. My first Sunday, the entire congregation wore T-shirts and buttons reading “WELCOME BACK ELIZABETH!” They thrived in my absence: new people came; babies were baptized; rooms remodeled. I’ve cut my hours to 24 a week and I sit for almost the entire service, including the sermon and celebration of the Eucharist. I feel a little guilty about this as an Episcopalian, but I’ve noticed that since I am almost always seated, a few others in the congregation who have struggled to stand at certain points during the service also remain seated now. Standing or kneeling may be “preferred” postures for prayer in the Episcopal church, but I’ve learned that I can pray just as sincerely while safely perched on a stool. I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer and discernment while trying to regain some strength, and even in my weakness I don’t believe God has finished with me at St. David’s just yet. I’m in awe of the way the church members minister to each other and our neighborhood.
I tried to address all of my health issues before coming back, so was unpleasantly surprised by this latest hitch. Still, it should be a short time away—just two weeks this time (vs. seven and a half months last time), and we don’t think it’s cancer. When I explained to the surgeon that I’m a preacher and need my voice (the thyroid is perilously close to vocal cords), he assured me that he has performed the same procedure on politicians, opera singers, and orators without damage, so I’m hopeful.
Meanwhile, I’m continuing to promote Unexpected Abundance: The Fruitful Lives of Women Without Children, and Samantha Vincent-Alexander and I completed copyedits on the forthcoming Irreverent Prayers: On Talking to God When You’re Seriously Sick. Plus, I have signed with Eerdmans for two more books: one about redeeming the warrior narrative with regard to cancer, as well as a devotional about my adored John the Baptist. A notice in Publisher’s Weekly just posted:
I’m deeply grateful to be alive and pursuing these dreams.
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment!
Blessings,
Elizabeth
What I’m Writing
At last, I have sermons to share again!
And a review for Christian Century
What I’m Reading
The first book by my writing soul mate, Dana VanderLugt, came out this month! It’s labeled as YA but adults will love it too. I did: don’t miss Enemies in the Orchard: A World War 2 Novel in Verse
I often put library books at the top of my TBR pile because the due dates add urgency. These are all such titles that I finished in the past month not because they were the ones I most wanted to read, but because they were too new to renew:
The Secret Gate: A True Story of Courage Sacrifice during the Collapse of Afghanistan by Mitchell Zuckoff
The House Is on Fire by Rachel Beanland: historical fiction by a local (for me) writer
Happiness Falls by Kim Angie I had trouble putting this one down. I guess it’s a thriller, but it was also literary.
The Vaster Wilds by Lauren Groff
Somebody’s Fool by Richard Russo
Where I’m Speaking
Old Books with Grace (podcast—that I love; I was so excited to get to be on it!)
I will be at Shadetree Rare Books in Chatham, Virginia on Saturday, September 30 at noon. If you’re in the area I’d love to see you! I’ve never been to Chatham and am looking forward to it.
Our DOK chapter at ODEC is starting a book study next month using Unexpected Abundance using your guide. We meet twice a month and 1 or 2 individuals as a team will take a chapter. I'm starting next month and am beginning with the Preface. Since there isn't a page of questions for the Preface, I will choose two or three general questions from the other chapters that could also work with the Preface. Looking forward to this project!
Congratulations on the book contract! This is so exciting.