Dear readers, My first mother died when I was six, and I have longed to know more about her. I had trouble finding anyone who would, from my perspective, tell me anything real about her: everyone wanted to make her into a saint. “She never spoke badly about anyone” was something I heard a lot, making me cringe a little because I adore snarky comments. (Sorry, Jesus and First Mom.) I also had something like seven different women tell me “She was my best friend.” I’ve finally stopped being irritated by that comment and began understanding it a little more, because I am blessed with many close friends.
Friendship is definitely a spiritual practice for me! And in retirement I've had more time to enjoy it. I play Mahjong twice a week with a few very close friends. When the Covid 'lockdown' began, we quit. That lasted about 3 weeks at which point we decided that our mental/emotional health was at LEAST as important as out physical health and resumed playing twice weekly - which we continue to do. And it's not about the game - it's about our time together, sharing our lives.
We lost my niece in 2019, to a traffic accident in Hanoi.
I've always known she was an exceptional person - one of the most "alive" people I knew, charismatic and caring - but I've been surprised by how many have considered her their best friend.
At first I wondered if this was a perception coloured by their grief. But with the years and my ongoing conversations with these friends of hers, I've realised that she had a quality that genuinely made her a best friend to more than one person - from their perspective, at least. I don't know who she considered her own best friend. I suspect that all of them were deeply important to her in slightly different ways, and that there wasn't a hierarchy. They were all her sisters in spirit.
Maybe there was something similar in your first mom's relationship with these friends of hers?
Love this. I've heard multiple times that it is really only possible to have 2-3 true friends. Perhaps this is true when you are talking deep friendships - the proverbial "ride or die". However, I do think it's possible to have many more friends. I have several communities of friendships including tech industry friends (most of whom live outside this area), neighborhood friends, family friends, church friends and more. One of the things I love most about social media, is that it has made it easier to keep up with friends. While I may not see friends as often as I would like, they bring joy to my life every day.
Friendship is definitely a spiritual practice for me! And in retirement I've had more time to enjoy it. I play Mahjong twice a week with a few very close friends. When the Covid 'lockdown' began, we quit. That lasted about 3 weeks at which point we decided that our mental/emotional health was at LEAST as important as out physical health and resumed playing twice weekly - which we continue to do. And it's not about the game - it's about our time together, sharing our lives.
We lost my niece in 2019, to a traffic accident in Hanoi.
I've always known she was an exceptional person - one of the most "alive" people I knew, charismatic and caring - but I've been surprised by how many have considered her their best friend.
At first I wondered if this was a perception coloured by their grief. But with the years and my ongoing conversations with these friends of hers, I've realised that she had a quality that genuinely made her a best friend to more than one person - from their perspective, at least. I don't know who she considered her own best friend. I suspect that all of them were deeply important to her in slightly different ways, and that there wasn't a hierarchy. They were all her sisters in spirit.
Maybe there was something similar in your first mom's relationship with these friends of hers?
Love this. I've heard multiple times that it is really only possible to have 2-3 true friends. Perhaps this is true when you are talking deep friendships - the proverbial "ride or die". However, I do think it's possible to have many more friends. I have several communities of friendships including tech industry friends (most of whom live outside this area), neighborhood friends, family friends, church friends and more. One of the things I love most about social media, is that it has made it easier to keep up with friends. While I may not see friends as often as I would like, they bring joy to my life every day.
Congrats on that interview, Elizabeth!