Living in the Present with Binoculars
Thanksgiving is over, but Advent is not yet here.
Dear Readers,
Right now is an in-between time that doesn’t happen every year, with Thanksgiving over but Advent not here until December 3 (although culturally people have been celebrating Christmas since about six seconds after Halloween).
I’ve learned to love the in-between times thanks to my cancer recurrence, or at least I’m growing more used to them. I achieved a milestone shortly before traveling to Phoenix to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family: my latest cancer CT scan was “NED,” meaning “no evidence of disease,” which has not happened for me since April 2021. This made the trip to see the dearest people to me in the world even sweeter and gave us even more reason to celebrate.
On the other hand, I know from previous experience that this could be my only such scan. I’m still on the powerful targeted therapy drug (with its wretched but mostly manageable side effects—please don’t look too closely at my fingernails), but the medicine I’m on is being pulled from the market (voluntarily from its manufacturer), so at some point I need to explore other options with my oncologist. It’s supposed to remain available to people like me for whom it is working, but we don’t know how long. I don’t know how long I will be able to keep working or when I will next travel to Arizona, so I’m trying to master living in the present, which has never been my strong suit. But being back at St. David’s is incredible and time with family so loving, so right now living in the present works, especially during a time of year when we focus on gratitude.
One tangible way I worked on staying in the present on my recent Thanksgiving trip was by not taking my big heavy camera with me. My phone takes all the pictures I need except when it comes to birds, and since Arizona birds are so different than those in Virginia I’ve been hauling my camera with me for some ten years whenever I visit. The last several trips, however, I really haven’t used it much, and I suspected that with one lung I wasn’t going to take the kind of hikes that I had in the past that have yielded fabulous bird sightings. Gary suggested that I take a new pair of Leica binoculars instead that he gave me. They are significantly smaller than my other birding binoculars, and while not quite as effective in low-light conditions, they are high-quality binoculars with a small size that this one-lunged wonder has no problem carrying around. They’re perfect for checking out the Gambel’s quail in my brother’s backyard. (I wrote an essay years ago about birding and binoculars—you can read it here.)
I love taking photos of birds and sharing them online, but there’s beauty in just watching the birds without trying to capture and preserve them in a photo. Spiritually that’s something I strive for: enjoying this moment of being “NED” while spending time with family, not knowing exactly what’s next.
What are ways that you try to live in the present? Drop a comment. I’d love to hear from you!
Almost Advent blessings,
Elizabeth
What I’m Reading:
Jesus Through Medieval Eyes by Dr. Grace Hamman: Fascinating look at how medieval Christians viewed Christ and implications of that for us today.
Fear Is Just a Word by Azam Ahmed: Devastating nonfiction about a mother whose daughter was murdered by a Mexican drug cartel.
God’s Monsters by Esther Hamori: Highly recommend this book, but she interprets God’s actions in the worst possible light, even using the term “gaslighting.” I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
The Shards: Hadn’t read Bret Easter Ellis in years. This gruesome book was an interesting one to take with me into the hospital when my throat was cut to remove part of my thyroid.
What I’m Writing:
Where You Can Hear/See Me:
Women Scholars and Professionals Podcast interview
I will speak at my local library, the North Courthouse branch of the Chesterfield Country Library system, on Thursday, January 18 at 6 PM.
Six years of cancer treatment changed my views on many things especially the preciousness of time, of this moment now. A meditation practice has been key to my mental health, and it helps keep me present. Or at least when I drift out of the present (as we all do) I have become more aware of it. The present moment is so deep and rich with life. May you find your own path to its possibilities.
I am giving thanks for “NED”. I was once told by a spiritual director that when we live in the past time passes too slowly. When we live in the future time passes too quickly. When we live in the present time passes as God intends. Great article!